Christmas for the kids of divorce
When I was a kid, my parents dragged me to every place on Chistmas. I think divorced parents try to tell the kids that it’s twice the presents and love. I never experienced it that way. It was always open your presents, but don’t take your coat off because we can’t stay we have to hit the next house. We woke up, opened presents, got dressed, went to grandma’s, went to dad’s, went to other grandma’s, went to mom’s new husbands parents and then home. I never even got a chance to breath.
Then, I had my own kids and I got very protective of our Christmas’. We stay home. Sure, we take off to pick up my husband’s mom, but the kids stay in their p.j.’s and play and eat all day. Family is welcome to come to my house, but they know not to even ask us to come to theirs. Selfish? Abosolutely!!!! I dreamt of these Chistmas’ my whole life. My focus has shifted as a married adult with two small kids…I make Christmas what it is supposed to be celebrated for. The birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Gifts are great, and of course we go overboard like everyone else, but Chistmas is wonderful.
Please don’t misunderstand. I think some people aren’t made to stay married. My thought is that maybe if you are divorced, be sensitive to your kids more. Don’t drag them all over the place. A child understands more than you think. They just want to play with their toys and spend time with family and have some great snacks.
1 comment December 20, 2007
Jeremiah 29:11
What a wonderful time of year. I’m ready to celebrate the Lord Jesus Christ’s birth and all is well at our house. Every year at this time I miss my dad, and Kurt’s dad. I think they are both looking down at our little family and are truely proud of how far we’ve come. I don’t worry too much about the shopping, baking or the extra pounds. I worry about dumb stuff. Things I have no control over. I have to be reminded that I am ultimately not in control of what happens to me or my family. Sure, we are given free will to make choices, but Glory be to God! Let’s be reminded of my FAVORITE Bible Verse—
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Trust God! That’s all I need to remember this Christmas. Jesus was born on Christmas Day to bring hope and joy. May this Christmas give you hope for the future.
Love and Blessings, Carrie
1 comment December 13, 2007
Abortion and Current Christianity
Did you know that most Christian churches condone abortion? I know I’m going to take some heat for this, however, this is a topic very near and dear to me.
My husband and I have been members at a Presbyrterian church for a while now. We knew our pastor was pretty liberal, but love him. He’s so smart and well versed. He’s awsome and his sermons always hit home. We started talking and doing some research into political candidates and somehow started stubling into the Presbyrterian Church of America beliefs. The Presbyrterian churchs’ beliefs are essentially wishy washy at best. I’m very disappointed. What are your thoughts about attending a church where the churches beliefs are different from your own?
I am not a person who can’t get over a friend that had an abortion or a family member that is a homosexual. I love them. I do my best to remember that God is the ultimate judge and I sin. I’m not above sin. I believe that pre-marital sex is wrong. So does God.
I could never condone my daughter having pre-marital sex or an abortion. It stops a beating heart. That’s all I need to know about this issue. It’s wrong. Love the sinner, hate the sin.
2 comments November 12, 2007
Tags: abortion, homosexuality, pre-marital sex, Sin
You make everything glorious!
That David Crowder Band song, “You Make Everything Glorious”, happens to be one of my favorite songs lately. I love listening to K-Love. I can’t help it! Everytime I hear Newsboys or Mark Harris or Casting Crowns I remember that life is glorious. There is a plan for you and me and it’s wonderful!
I look at things so much differently since I became accepting of Gods grace and love. Sky’s are bluer and life is simply more positive. My negative days are fewer and farther between.
I have to admit, I love talk radio so, I don’t listen to music as often as I should, but I will say Tyler and Kyra love listening to music. They are better behaved in the car when I have the Newsboys cd in. They like to party!
I find Christianity bigger than the church you go to. Loving The Lord is a peaceful feeling you have in your heart and mind. It makes you want to sing loud and embaress yourself at stoplights with the windows rolled down. It makes you want to forgive. It makes you want to help your neighbor without a thank you.
“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24
Rejoice and be glad! This is the day the Lord made just for you!
Add a comment October 4, 2007
This family has gone to the dog…
So no more babies, what about a dog? Anyone who knows this family, knows how awful of a track record we have with pets of any kind. Here’s the thing, I can justify it 9 ways from Sunday, but I love dogs. I like cats, sure, but I LOVE DOGS.
So Kyra, Tyler and I went for a long drive yesterday and came home with a new baby. An 11 week old Collie puppy to be named later. The glorious part? The breeder said we could take it for a couple of weeks and see if it works out.
We spent the night with the dog gated in the kitchen. Already, that’s different from our former mistakes. Can I just say, no accidents…This dog is a genius! He’s calm and docile and so nice. Tyler loves taking the dogs toy and giving it back. No caos!
Of course this could all go south, but what if it doesn’t? We got a dog!
Add a comment September 29, 2007
Can I Be Honest? This is cheaper than therapy!
Good morning everyone! Hope the 3 of you that read this are doing great today and enjoying the gorgeous fall weather the Lord has provided today. I want to take a moment to let you all in on a few secrets…
First, I’m not perfect. I really try hard to be. I’m not sure why, but I think it must have something to do with never doing anything right as a kid. I always want my husband to come home to a piping hot dinner, a clean house and happy kids. This happens about once a week. I have awful morning breath and sometimes I don’t get a shower until 2 in the afternoon.
Second, I’m not the best mom. I make mistakes. I yell too much and don’t pray with my kids enough. We don’t pray before dinner unless we sit at the kitchen table and that’s only when my mother-in-law comes for dinner.
Third, I’m a great baker. I love to cook and bake and am really pretty good at it. I don’t want to brag, but my husband and kids love when I whip up something new. Sometimes it’s a flop. I make mistakes and get frustrated about them, but I keep trying.
I have a thousand things I could be honest about, but I won’t bore you. The reason for this post is to let all you mom’s out there, working or homemaking, know that NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!
My friend Jen told me yesterday that I need to let myself off the hook and stop justifying myself when I need to drop Tyler off so I can get a haircut.
God gave us all gifts. It’s important we recognize that everything from a gorgeous fall day to healthy kids to low stress mornings are a gift…Be thankful!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m trying. Say it with me…”Thank you God for every gift today, seen and unseen. Help me to find beauty in small moments”
YA GOD!!!
1 comment September 26, 2007
Friendships in my 30′s
Have you ever thought there was something wrong with you because you don’t have as many friendships in your 30′s as opposed to your teens and 20′s? I often find myself wondering where everyone went.
The Lord intends for us to grow and change. Do friendships always evolve through the changes? I don’t often talk to people who have had the same friends since they were kids. It does occur to me that my husband has a couple of friends he’s known since he was in early grade school. Women are just plain different.
I don’t find anything more devisive than when the decision comes to leave the corporate world and become a full time wife and mom. I think some women are just plain offended when a fully financially independent woman decides to leave a nice paycheck for her family. The truth is, I’ve never felt so alone as when I made the call to be my kids mom.
Let’s get back to the questions at hand, though. Is it harder to have friendships now? It is for me. I can name numerous people that I know and have a great relationship with, but only a handful of truely exceptional people that I call my friends. Most people wouldn’t even count their husbands…I do. I can be really honest with him and he knows all my stuff…you know, the stuff only a true friend knows. Then there are 3 very new friends I can count and a couple…just a couple who I’ve had longer than a couple of years.
I feel as though I’ve really decided who God wants me to be in the last couple of years. A lot of people don’t want to face the truth. I can, I just don’t always like what I face.
- Friendships take nurturing. Sometimes I get really wrapped up in my family and simply can’t exert energy outside these 4 walls.
- It’s a wake up call to learn who you learn who you can count on in a crisis.
- It’s also a wake up call to not always be the giver in a friendship but sometimes take a little for yourself.
This may make no sense to anyone but me, but that’s okay. Like I told Kurt, a blog is cheaper than therapy!!!!!
Have a great night!
1 comment September 25, 2007
Today I Rest
My question…does a mom get a vacation? I’ve never been away from my kids overnight…ever. Sure, I spent the night in the hospital when I had my son, away from Kyra, but her dad was with her and, let’s just say, it wasn’t a vacation. I think if my husband and I took a vacation sans kids, my heart would still be with them.
We just got back from our trip to Wisconsin. We went Friday and came back Saturday afternoon. My one year old was an angel. He was patient and funny the whole time. My seven year old was so naughty! Deliberately disobeying and whiney! My husband and I were anxious the whole time she was awake!
My 78 year-old mother in law came with us on this trip. Igrilled her on mothering issues while my husband with wrestling with Kyra. She is such a kind lady. She’s forever the Grandma. Nice and generous. She put my mind at ease when I thought I was being to hard on Kyra. I do think, though, she was ready to get out of the van and get home to the quiet of her apartment.
Today is Sunday. I should be rushing the family out the door for church. Tyler is in bed and I have to say, I don’t want to rush today. Instead, my family has a date with our study bible. The whole “where two or more are gathered” I’m telling myself. Still, I know I should be at church. The Lord wants us to “show up”. Is my family showing up if we stay in our p.j.’s today and read together?
Today I must rest. Tomorrow, it’s back to the grind.
Add a comment September 23, 2007
Becoming the woman in Christ I want to be
How often have we ignored our intuition? The voice in our head is drowned out by the sounds of your kids complaints that they need something from you. What do you do? Do you get to it later or do you move on and forget the voice you heard this morning…last night…last week?
Sometimes I feel completely overwelmed by my day. Scared…a feeling now that I’m a mom, I feel way too often. The only thing that helps me get through today and look freshly at tomorrow is prayer. It’s so simple.
Two years ago, I remember asking friends how they pray. Most looked absolutely purplexed by the question. I’ve heard some home-run prayers in my day, but the only thing that works for me is to give thanks. I find myself praying in the car, in bed at night, making dinner.
The truth is, I don’t believe we become the people we are meant to be unless we check in with the Almighty. Today is not tomorrow. We only need concern ourselves with being the women and men in Christ we are meant to be today.
Do you fall into the trap that I do? Planning and trying to control everything? I know it’s wrong, but I try to control things that are far from my control. It’s crazy.
A beautiful Christian woman I know lost her husband this week to cancer. He was diagnosed 3 weeks ago. He had been sick most of this year and had been in and out of hospitals. How do we make sense of a 38 year old man leaving three young children behind? We can’t. We have to trust that this is the Lord’s plan…not for us to understand.
This tragic death was my wake up call. It rocked me. The only thing we have in our control is our actions. Tonight I pray that the Lord will help me become the woman he wants me to be, the mom he wants me to be and the wife he wants me to be. Afterall, I can control what I pray for!
1 comment September 21, 2007
Some History and Questions
Good Morning…I should tell you, my goal is not to re-write history, but to learn and move on and have a healthy happy family of my own.
I thought I would start my blog with a little history. I grew up in a very small Illinois town. It’s a great place. I love small town life. My dad worked at a nuclear power plant for 32 years and my mom has had 3 husbands and has had more jobs than I can count. I have two sisters. Jess who is just like my mom and is 3 years younger than me and Jama who is 10 years younger. I grew up with a mom with a crazy temper and who never skipped telling me how useless I was. Never a compliment. My self esteem was non-existant.
The truth is, I was a pretty good kid. I was scared to act up. I was broken from a very early age.
How can I keep from doing this to my own kids? Easy….
My mom and dad divorced when I was in 1st grade and my dad then proceeded to be an absent dad. He loved us, sure, but he loved alcohol more. There was no-one to save Jess and I from my mothers temper. I should just say, there were so many people who had it 100x worse than us. She was always more interested in the man she was with at the moment. I was put on the planet for her convenience. Built-in-babysitter, maid, etc.
I could go into it much more, but I won’t because that’s not the point. The point is, how do you recover from an abusive mother and create a new, healthy family when you have had no real examples?
Everyone, from her sisters to my grandma make exuses for her and say ‘but it’s your mom’. She’s disowned me so many times I can’t count, but she keeps insinuating herself into my life again and again…What do I do?
I have answers for all you crazy abused kids out there…Pray. I know you may say ‘Where was God when I was being abused?’ The truth is he’s always been there. He loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you. Let him. It really works.
I talked to my pastor recently. My mom had disowned me for speaking my mind again and this time I took it really hard. I recently found God and I was really concerned with “Honoring my mother”. Sinning…Sigh… He asked me some great questions and helped me to see that we all sin. We must forgive, really forgive, and move on…without the abuser. It’s that simple. Stop the cycle of abuse no matter what it takes. Therapy, Anxiety Meds, whatever. Some people were given great parents. Some weren’t. I wasn’t.
How do I explain to my 7 year old daughter that it’s nothing she did, but Grandma D won’t be coming around anymore? Truth as she can understand it. My 1 year old won’t know his Grandma D unless there is repentance…hers. It’s okay.
Health, happiness and joy. That’s what I want for my family. That’s it.
5 comments September 20, 2007
