Some History and Questions
September 20, 2007
kyraandtylersmom
Good Morning…I should tell you, my goal is not to re-write history, but to learn and move on and have a healthy happy family of my own.
I thought I would start my blog with a little history. I grew up in a very small Illinois town. It’s a great place. I love small town life. My dad worked at a nuclear power plant for 32 years and my mom has had 3 husbands and has had more jobs than I can count. I have two sisters. Jess who is just like my mom and is 3 years younger than me and Jama who is 10 years younger. I grew up with a mom with a crazy temper and who never skipped telling me how useless I was. Never a compliment. My self esteem was non-existant.
The truth is, I was a pretty good kid. I was scared to act up. I was broken from a very early age.
How can I keep from doing this to my own kids? Easy….
My mom and dad divorced when I was in 1st grade and my dad then proceeded to be an absent dad. He loved us, sure, but he loved alcohol more. There was no-one to save Jess and I from my mothers temper. I should just say, there were so many people who had it 100x worse than us. She was always more interested in the man she was with at the moment. I was put on the planet for her convenience. Built-in-babysitter, maid, etc.
I could go into it much more, but I won’t because that’s not the point. The point is, how do you recover from an abusive mother and create a new, healthy family when you have had no real examples?
Everyone, from her sisters to my grandma make exuses for her and say ‘but it’s your mom’. She’s disowned me so many times I can’t count, but she keeps insinuating herself into my life again and again…What do I do?
I have answers for all you crazy abused kids out there…Pray. I know you may say ‘Where was God when I was being abused?’ The truth is he’s always been there. He loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you. Let him. It really works.
I talked to my pastor recently. My mom had disowned me for speaking my mind again and this time I took it really hard. I recently found God and I was really concerned with “Honoring my mother”. Sinning…Sigh… He asked me some great questions and helped me to see that we all sin. We must forgive, really forgive, and move on…without the abuser. It’s that simple. Stop the cycle of abuse no matter what it takes. Therapy, Anxiety Meds, whatever. Some people were given great parents. Some weren’t. I wasn’t.
How do I explain to my 7 year old daughter that it’s nothing she did, but Grandma D won’t be coming around anymore? Truth as she can understand it. My 1 year old won’t know his Grandma D unless there is repentance…hers. It’s okay.
Health, happiness and joy. That’s what I want for my family. That’s it.
Entry Filed under: Abuse, Christianity, Mom and Wife Forum, Mom and Wife Issues, Photographer
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1.
Jama | September 20, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Now that I am older in my life, I have started to develop my relationship with kyraandtylersmom. Being 10 years apart in age, we never really had much in common. Now that I am older, and married myself, I understand my oldest sister so much more. We have more in common than I ever thought we would.
From her, I have learned to stand up for my family. In my little world, the only people that matter are my husband and myself, and eventually kids. In order to be happy and healthy, I have to do whatever I can to protect myself from outside sources trying to hurt that.
My husband has had issues with his mother, as well, and feels the same way. We have come to the agreement that if she ever does anything to hurt us our our children, she will no longer be allowed to see them.
Big sister, I love you and your kids. It is very important for my to maintain that relationship with you and them. As I have mentioned before, I want them to know that not everyone in the family is crazy and bad for them.
2.
Ariel | September 20, 2007 at 6:50 pm
I get it. I love my child, and just cannot for a moment think of being the kind of parent my mother was.
I have to remember too that my mother cannot undo what she was.
3.
kyraandtylersmom | September 20, 2007 at 10:25 pm
I agree people can’t undo what they have done. Hurting me didn’t stop when I turned 18. She continues to betray confidences and lie about me to make herself look better. Sometimes people grow and change. My mother never did.
4.
ericandryansmom | December 13, 2007 at 2:30 pm
wow, where to begin..look what i stumbled upon on the internet. i am hurt. not sure whether your goal was to just vent so that you can let go of stuff, or what it was. i really hope you can let go of the hardships of our childhood. you say you have and yet every little argument or tiff becomes world war III. i miss my sisters, my sons and i miss kyra and tyler. heck, i dont even know tyler because of our bickering. if you wrote me off, that is fine, horrible and hard to take, but fine. you and i have had a lot of hurt in our lives, but still go on. it would just be easier to move on together than apart. things were going so well for “us” during the hardest time of my life, and then it all ended. what happened? your memory is too good and mine is too bad, i forget more in a day than i even know about. there are so many changes going on in my life and i cant share them with you for fear of getting my heart broken again. so, shut me out, ok..sucks, but ok, but i love you and the kids a lot and i have a hard time explaining to eric where kyra is and what she is up to. the boys’ birthdays are coming up and i hope you will make it out for the party or at least send them a card, they would appreciate that and you wont have to deal with me
5.
kyraandtylersmom | December 13, 2007 at 3:33 pm
ericandryansmom is entitled to her comments, however, I don’t think she gets it. The point is to overcome abuse and how to do it. the blog isn’t about her.