Good Morning…I should tell you, my goal is not to re-write history, but to learn and move on and have a healthy happy family of my own.

I thought I would start my blog with a little history. I grew up in a very small Illinois town. It’s a great place. I love small town life. My dad worked at a nuclear power plant for 32 years and my mom has had 3 husbands and has had more jobs than I can count. I have two sisters. Jess who is just like my mom and is 3 years younger than me and Jama who is 10 years younger. I grew up with a mom with a crazy temper and who never skipped telling me how useless I was. Never a compliment. My self esteem was non-existant.

The truth is, I was a pretty good kid. I was scared to act up. I was broken from a very early age.

How can I keep from doing this to my own kids? Easy….

My mom and dad divorced when I was in 1st grade and my dad then proceeded to be an absent dad. He loved us, sure, but he loved alcohol more. There was no-one to save Jess and I from my mothers temper. I should just say, there were so many people who had it 100x worse than us.  She was always more interested in the man she was with at the moment. I was put on the planet for her convenience. Built-in-babysitter, maid, etc.

I could go into it much more, but I won’t because that’s not the point. The point is, how do you recover from an abusive mother and create a new, healthy family when you have had no real examples?

 Everyone, from her sisters to my grandma make exuses for her and say ‘but it’s your mom’. She’s disowned me so many times I can’t count, but she keeps insinuating herself into my life again and again…What do I do?

I have answers for all you crazy abused kids out there…Pray. I know you may say ‘Where was God when I was being abused?’ The truth is he’s always been there. He loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you. Let him. It really works.

I talked to my pastor recently. My mom had disowned me for speaking my mind again and this time I took it really hard. I recently found God and I was really concerned with “Honoring my mother”.  Sinning…Sigh… He asked me some great questions and helped me to see that we all sin. We must forgive, really forgive, and move on…without the abuser. It’s that simple. Stop the cycle of abuse no matter what it takes. Therapy, Anxiety Meds, whatever. Some people were given great parents. Some weren’t. I wasn’t.

How do I explain to my 7 year old daughter that it’s nothing she did, but Grandma D won’t be coming around anymore? Truth as she can understand it. My 1 year old won’t know his Grandma D unless there is repentance…hers. It’s okay.

Health, happiness and joy. That’s what I want for my family.  That’s it.