Good morning everyone! Hope the 3 of you that read this are doing great today and enjoying the gorgeous fall weather the Lord has provided today. I want to take a moment to let you all in on a few secrets…

First, I’m not perfect. I really try hard to be. I’m not sure why, but I think it must have something to do with never doing anything right as a kid.  I always want my husband to come home to a piping hot dinner, a clean house and happy kids. This happens about once a week. I have awful morning breath and sometimes I don’t get a shower until 2 in the afternoon.

Second, I’m not the best mom. I make mistakes. I yell too much and don’t pray with my kids enough. We don’t pray before dinner unless we sit at the kitchen table and that’s only when my mother-in-law comes for dinner.

Third, I’m a great baker. I love to cook and bake and am really pretty good at it. I don’t want to brag, but my husband and kids love when I whip up something new. Sometimes it’s a flop. I make mistakes and get frustrated about them, but I keep trying.

I have a thousand things I could be honest about, but I won’t bore you. The reason for this post is to let all you mom’s out there, working or homemaking, know that NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!

My friend Jen told me yesterday that I need to let myself off the hook and stop justifying myself when I need to drop Tyler off so I can get a haircut.

God gave us all gifts. It’s important we recognize that everything from a gorgeous fall day to healthy kids to low stress mornings are a gift…Be thankful!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m trying. Say it with me…”Thank you God for every gift today, seen and unseen. Help me to find beauty in small moments”

YA GOD!!!

Have you ever thought there was something wrong with you because you don’t have as many friendships in your 30’s as opposed to your teens and 20’s? I often find myself wondering where everyone went.

The Lord intends for us to grow and change. Do friendships always evolve through the changes? I don’t often talk to people who have had the same friends since they were kids. It does occur to me that my husband has a couple of friends he’s known since he was in early grade school. Women are just plain different.

I don’t find anything more devisive than when the decision comes to leave the corporate world and become a full time wife and mom. I think some women are just plain offended when a fully financially independent woman decides to leave a nice paycheck for her family. The truth is, I’ve never felt so alone as when I made the call to be my kids mom.

Let’s get back to the questions at hand, though. Is it harder to have friendships now? It is for me. I can name numerous people that I know and have a great relationship with, but only a handful of truely exceptional people that I call my friends. Most people wouldn’t even count their husbands…I do. I can be really honest with him and he knows all my stuff…you know, the stuff only a true friend knows. Then there are 3 very new friends I can count and a couple…just a couple who I’ve had longer than a couple of years.

I feel as though I’ve really decided who God wants me to be in the last couple of years. A lot of people don’t want to face the truth. I can, I just don’t always like what I face.

• Friendships take nurturing. Sometimes I get really wrapped up in my family and simply can’t exert energy outside these 4 walls.
• It’s a wake up call to learn who you learn who you can count on in a crisis.
• It’s also a wake up call to not always be the giver in a friendship but sometimes take a little for yourself.

This may make no sense to anyone but me, but that’s okay. Like I told Kurt, a blog is cheaper than therapy!!!!!

Have a great night!

My question…does a mom get a vacation? I’ve never been away from my kids overnight…ever. Sure, I spent the night in the hospital when I had my son, away from Kyra, but her dad was with her and, let’s just say, it wasn’t a vacation. I think if my husband and I took a vacation sans kids, my heart would still be with them.

We just got back from our trip to Wisconsin. We went Friday and came back Saturday afternoon. My one year old was an angel. He was patient and funny the whole time. My seven year old was so naughty! Deliberately disobeying and whiney! My husband and I were anxious the whole time she was awake!

My 78 year-old mother in law came with us on this trip. Igrilled her on mothering issues while my husband with wrestling with Kyra. She is such a kind lady. She’s forever the Grandma. Nice and generous. She put my mind at ease when I thought I was being to hard on Kyra. I do think, though, she was ready to get out of the van and get home to the quiet of her apartment.

Today is Sunday. I should be rushing the family out the door for church. Tyler is in bed and I have to say, I don’t want to rush today. Instead, my family has a date with our study bible. The whole “where two or more are gathered” I’m telling myself. Still, I know I should be at church. The Lord wants us to “show up”. Is my family showing up if we stay in our p.j.’s today and read together?

Today I must rest. Tomorrow, it’s back to the grind.

Good Morning…I should tell you, my goal is not to re-write history, but to learn and move on and have a healthy happy family of my own.

I thought I would start my blog with a little history. I grew up in a very small Illinois town. It’s a great place. I love small town life. My dad worked at a nuclear power plant for 32 years and my mom has had 3 husbands and has had more jobs than I can count. I have two sisters. Jess who is just like my mom and is 3 years younger than me and Jama who is 10 years younger. I grew up with a mom with a crazy temper and who never skipped telling me how useless I was. Never a compliment. My self esteem was non-existant.

The truth is, I was a pretty good kid. I was scared to act up. I was broken from a very early age.

How can I keep from doing this to my own kids? Easy….

My mom and dad divorced when I was in 1st grade and my dad then proceeded to be an absent dad. He loved us, sure, but he loved alcohol more. There was no-one to save Jess and I from my mothers temper. I should just say, there were so many people who had it 100x worse than us.  She was always more interested in the man she was with at the moment. I was put on the planet for her convenience. Built-in-babysitter, maid, etc.

I could go into it much more, but I won’t because that’s not the point. The point is, how do you recover from an abusive mother and create a new, healthy family when you have had no real examples?

 Everyone, from her sisters to my grandma make exuses for her and say ‘but it’s your mom’. She’s disowned me so many times I can’t count, but she keeps insinuating herself into my life again and again…What do I do?

I have answers for all you crazy abused kids out there…Pray. I know you may say ‘Where was God when I was being abused?’ The truth is he’s always been there. He loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you. Let him. It really works.

I talked to my pastor recently. My mom had disowned me for speaking my mind again and this time I took it really hard. I recently found God and I was really concerned with “Honoring my mother”.  Sinning…Sigh… He asked me some great questions and helped me to see that we all sin. We must forgive, really forgive, and move on…without the abuser. It’s that simple. Stop the cycle of abuse no matter what it takes. Therapy, Anxiety Meds, whatever. Some people were given great parents. Some weren’t. I wasn’t.

How do I explain to my 7 year old daughter that it’s nothing she did, but Grandma D won’t be coming around anymore? Truth as she can understand it. My 1 year old won’t know his Grandma D unless there is repentance…hers. It’s okay.

Health, happiness and joy. That’s what I want for my family.  That’s it.